Things you should do before or after any age at any time, gay or straight, single, married, divorced or widowed. For anyone ever at any point in time while there is oxygen in your lungs and your heart is still beating:

Live your life. Be free. Take deep breaths. Forget the bitches. Stop giving a damn about what anyone else in the world has to say or conclude about you. Be thankful, grateful, and joyful for every tiny detail of your life and where you are at. Marry or don’t. Go dancing with your friends. Fall in love. Indulge in things that make you happy and don’t feel guilty about it Be slow to speak and quick to listen. Always seek new perspectives. No matter if you agree with them or not. Keep your mind and heat open. Love people without giving yourself time to decide if they are worthy of it or not. Stop validating your marriage or your singleness with silly blogs like this and just keep living. Remember we are all on the same team and none of us make it out alive. Soo just make your own damn list and live it.

woah: 2013

Woah: 2013

Dancing

Adventure

Goodbyes

Hellos

Bravery

Risk

Overrated

Falling in love

Cluster of engagements

Changes

Lots of changes

Greatest lesson learned: Roll with the punches.

Greatest  discovery: How much I am still changing

 

The word change keeps rolling and sliding through my mind. My hate of it, need of it and utter thankfulness for it. This line from Downton Abbey keeps replying through my head, when Matthew Crawley says “I was so determined not to let these circumstances change me, that I forgot that things must change. When we stop changing, we die.”

My reflecting is slow…and delicate. Reminding myself to constantly be tender and kind to myself. Tip toeing across the quiet pain and basking in the overwhelming joy that this year brought. Reminding myself to read all the lines with thoughtful thankfulness. So much subtle changes over a year. Slowly but surely. I don’t have a conclusion to come to for the end of 2013 except that I know endings mean beginnings. Just when I think my changes are over, they are not. That’s something to look forward to.

I am excited to embrace the new year. Cheers to 2014!

Heres a poem. I didn’t write it, but I really love it a lot.

 

The Layers

By  Stanley Kunitz  

 

I have walked through many lives,

some of them my own,

and I am not who I was,

though some principle of being

abides, from which I struggle

not to stray.

When I look behind,

as I am compelled to look

before I can gather strength

to proceed on my journey,

I see the milestones dwindling

toward the horizon

and the slow fires trailing

from the abandoned camp-sites,

over which scavenger angels 

wheel on heavy wings.

Oh, I have made myself a tribe

out of my true affections,

and my tribe is scattered!

How shall the heart be reconciled

to its feast of losses?

In a rising wind

the manic dust of my friends,

those who fell along the way,

bitterly stings my face.

Yet I turn, I turn,

exulting somewhat,

with my will intact to go

wherever I need to go,

and every stone on the road

precious to me.

In my darkest night,

when the moon was covered

and I roamed through wreckage,

a nimbus-clouded voice

directed me:

“Live in the layers,

not on the litter.”

Though I lack the art

to decipher it,

no doubt the next chapter

in my book of transformations

is already written.

I am not done with my changes.