Just a few things…

Just a few things,

The sun, blue skies, and clouds. Swimming in cold water on hot days. Life long friendships. Being known. Taking really long walks. Being outside. Reading books and rereading really good books. Freedom, the kind I feel in my soul. My mom, my dad, and their presence in my life. The ability to travel across our worlds to be with family and continue the important relationship of loving them. Water with more water. Coffee and half and half. Being able to go home. For all these fragments, I am thankful, grateful, whole, and happy for. I am so full I think tears might spill out my eyes, which happens often. The tears, that is.

Once I was listening to a man speak about thankfulness, and he described it as lifting up everything you have been given, and giving it back. Saying thank you for what joy and blessing this has given me. I am full, here, have it back so I can learn to let go and be filled again. That feels good in my heart. Gathering it all up, to give it back to the one  who gave it to me. Being filled to be emptied. 

Sometimes I cling so tight to what I love because I don’t want to lose it. But when I try to control what has been given to me, that desire to keep it ends up controlling me. We are created to breathe in, just to breathe right back out. Breathe in the blessing, the healing, the joy, the peace, and breathe out…I don’t know.

Another thing. Life, I don’t have you figured out. I never will. I cannot earn love, by trying to be good. I cannot find peace in my soul, by seeking others approval. I haven’t found any formulas or guide books that are clear and concise on the right way to eat a sandwich or find eternity. The Bible is really good, though still not always detailed on the exact steps to every pickle I find myself in. I used to be a smidge uptight and caught up in the rules of right and wrong the way I saw it. That was exhausting. All I can do now is be full of gratitude everyday for this whimsical life I get to live for a little while here. I don’t want to worry so much about being good, as I want to praise God for how good he is. I am not good. I do desire though, to do everything with a lot of love and kindness.

love until it hurts, then love more. -Mother Theresa

 Worry less, surrender more.


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