Sabrina Ward Harrison is one for sure. Sometimes I come across one of her journals and she puts messy, wonderful words to my thoughts and feelings.
“We can end up carrying all this sadness and unexpressed bits of ourselves e don’t speak up, spill open and be truly as we are. I am learning that loving all the way can ache and sting, but loving halfway doesn’t keep us safe. It leaves us with a hope that could never live out loud. Let yourself pour forward and be a place for your ache to rest.” –SWH
“Writing is honestly about letting go and loosening the muscles of the heart. Im learning that growing is a mixture of surrendering to that none of it matters, and all of it matters. The details of our lives and our truth, it is about what we stand up for and what we let go of. That is the real stuff. Accepting myself brings me away from analyzing, doubting, comparing, altering who I am. It gives me space to dance and be barefoot even when it feels scary and awkward. It is who I am. It is important to share and necessary to live. As tangled and true as it is.” SWH
This woman reminds me of the wild way I operate and listen and live. These words remind me that it is a precious gift to be sensitive and have the need to let it all tumble out.
I’m learning that when it seems hard to breathe, breath will come. That it is better to deal with all of myself right now. My life is a constant cycle of cling and surrender, cling and surrender. I have also discovered that being honest with people is very vulnerable and scary, but the alternative for me is running around begging to please and be accepted. That isn’t authentic to who I am or who I am created to be. Shame is something I am learning a lot about right now. I am discovering my own shame triggers and how self-centered shame makes me and how much of a lie it is. I feel like its all I talk about here lately. But dealing with insecurities is huge and important, and right now that seems to be what I am attempting to do. I am learning that the people I care most about and long to have their approval, are the ones I feel the most shame when I feel I have disappointed them. Someone told me that as adults no one can make us feel shame. She said as adults it is the meaning we attach to things that creates shame. That is empowering in a way, but also makes me so aware of my self-centered heart. Bah, I want to write less about myself. I think writing to me is a way to release it all. The fear, the joy, the utter awe and mess that life is. I am a falling apart mess. But that is ok.:)